I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
