My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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