CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
