my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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