I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
