my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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