i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
