Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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