things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
