somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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