she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
