This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
It was confusing and full of hummus
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
