Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
