I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Everclear isn't food dammit
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
