Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
