after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
