go do what you do best...puke behind churches
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
