she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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