So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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