pop tarts are not kleenex
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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