Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
