Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
