my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
