Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
