A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
And then he peed in my hair
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