i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
ugly people sure do ruin things
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
