Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
