HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
