On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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