You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think people are normalizing furries
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
