we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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