I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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