i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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