Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
