Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
