Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
