I think my vagina is haunted
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I came so hard my ears popped.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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