ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
