i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
