it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
