no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
