I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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