So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Everclear isn't food dammit
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
