new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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