i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
