I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
