I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
