Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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