all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
