In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
