i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
